My letter to money – shifting my money mindset in 2019

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One of my biggest challenges over this past year has been to release all of the negative associations I have built around money.  I have finally come to understand that wanting money but believing it is evil is non sensical.  It’s like wanting so bad to be friends with someone you just can not stand.

Why bother? Chances are even if you managed to make ‘friends’ with that person, the friendship would never really be strong and lasting.

So I have started to approach my relationship with money from a new angle, rather than focusing on the negative I remind myself of all the good money can do.  I love to read stories about social entrepreneurs who use money not just to improve their own lives, but to help improve the world.  This keeps me focused on the kind of person I aspire to be as more and more money flows into my life.

A wonderful money mindset strategy I have used, has been to replace the word money with a word I have positive feelings about.  For me this word is freedom and in my vocabulary, the two words have become interchangeable.

Money is freedom and freedom is money.

Another thing I did as per the advice of Jen Sincero in her killer book ‘You are a bad ass’ is write a heartfelt letter to money.

This might seem a bit woo woo, but immediately upon completion I felt like another wall I had built up in my head between myself and money had come down.

Here is my (slightly sexual) letter to money;

 

Dear Money,

I have had a crush on you for a long time but have been too scared to admit it. I’ve been told all my life what a huge jerk you are and have built up walls to keep you out.  

My parents always warned me about you, about how you would make me a bad person, and corrupt my heart.  But I’m finally seeing you in a new light and realizing all the good you are able to do in this world.  

If living where I want, travelling where I want and eating what I want is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. 

Money, I am fully ready for a life with you by my side.  I am committed. I finally understand that you do not change people but instead magnify what is already there.  I know I am a good person and with you I can only become better. Together we will experience more, give more back, and live with greater purpose.

I know you have always been there, waiting for me to be ready, and time and again I have rejected you. Well, no more!

I want to spend the rest of my life with you and make beautiful money babies with you.  I want our money babies to make grandbabies and great grandbabies until we have built a legacy that will remain long after I’m gone.  

Money, you give me the freedom to live my dreams and be who I truly am.  You make me so happy. With you by my side I know anything is possible. 

Together we will build a dream home, launch businesses, retire my parents, help my sister through school and give my kids every opportunity they could want in this life.  With you by my side I will worry less, laugh more, live life to the fullest and remember every day how lucky I am to have you.  I will never take you for granted again.  

I am finally ready to do this thing.  I love you.  

Yours, 

Elle

PS. In 2019 let’s go all the way.  

 

If you have come to believe that a person can’t be rich and good simultaneously, yet find yourself pining for a life of abundance, take a stab at this exercise.  Not only did I do it, but I’m actually putting my weirdo letter out there on the internet for anyone to see.

Get it down in your own words of truth and be confident that you are finally sending the universe clear signals about the kind of life you want to live and the kind of relationship you want to have with money.

You have nothing to lose, and potentially everything to gain.

My top three podcasts, books and revelations of 2018

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Being old-ish I passed out on the couch last night while watching The Avengers with my sons. I did not watch the ball drop, I did not share a new years kiss, and the two glasses of wine I drank were the closest thing to a party I’ve experienced in a while, but it was an absolutely perfect night regardless.

When I awoke this morning, only the date on the calendar had changed but somehow it felt like everything was different.

I can compare it to the feeling after an undisturbed snow fall, it’s like a fresh start in the exact same place I always have been.

Year after year I have spent this day day wondering, will this be it?  Will this be the year I finally achieve great success, perfect health, and ultimately, happiness, and year after year I have been met with disappointment

In truth, 2016 was a bit of a blah, I couldn’t get out of 2017 quick enough and the majority of 2018 left me with more questions than answers, but it also sparked something in me.  Call it an awakening, a surrender or a total 180 but 2018, and really all previous years, have been exactly what they needed to be to put me where I am today.

And today is all that matters.

In making a conscious effort to live with a half full glass I am looking back on all the good 2018 has brought me and am ready to forget the less than savory bits.

This years quest to understand myself more has led me to discover me some amazing podcasts and books. These have in turn, led to some personal revelations that are going to leave me with no choice but to have an amazing 2019.   I am so thankful for all the inspiring people creating content that reminds me the choice to live a good life is mine alone.

My top three favorite podcasts for 2018

  1. “Don’t Keep Your Day Job” with Cathy Heller

2. “The School of Greatness” with Lewis Howes

and

3.  “For the Love of Money” with Chris Harder

These people are working their butts off to put out amazing, inspiring and life changing content on a regular basis.

Because I have dog I spend time walking her daily and it has become a cherished ritual to download a podcast and take my girl out for a stroll.  Its amazing how quickly I have been able to reprogram my entire thought process by listening to a hour of positivity once a day, and they are all free to download.  You just literally can not lose.

Finding time to read this past year has been a bit trickier.  With work school and kids I have just had less free time overall than I am accustomed to, but I have still been able to squeeze in some gems.

I like to read self help books slowly, much more slowly than novels which I tend to devour.   I read a bit, think about it and will often re-read the same chapters multiple times, underlining insights and even taking notes.

I am one of those readers who always has a few books on the go, and an even bigger list of must reads.  There are a lot of good ones out there but if I have to pick just three they would be;

  1. “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki
  2. “You Are A Bad Ass” by Jen Sincero

and

3. “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson.

Yes, I’m not a dad, and to be honest I have read Robert Kiyosaki’s iconic book once before, but re-reading it this past year opened a whole new bag of insights I had previously overlooked, its also quite a page turner as far as finance meets self help books go.  If I can recommend just one book to kick off 2019 on a better financial footing, its this one.

I discovered both Jen Sincero and Mark Manson as guests on podcasts which ultimately led me to buy their books.  These two amazing humans are literal breaths of fresh air in the often stuffy self-help realm.  Using humor and relatability their books have helped me overhaul my mindset and I feel completely ready to smash 2019 in my own unique way.

All of the listening and reading that I have done in 2018 has been vital in my journey to being a happier healthier self. There are lots of other podcasts and book titles I could throw out there but I like to keep it simple if anyone reading this is new to the self help realm.  If I had to sum up my three major revelations of 2018 it would be these….

  1. There are no problems, only perceptions.  Our minds are always running at full speed, it likes to create Drama and does so at every given opportunity.  It is how we react to the events in our life that ultimately dictate the outcomes. Life walks in a delicate balance with death.  Without bad there could be no perceivable good.   It is in the acceptance of this truth that we are able to stop overthinking, let go of expectations and just be. Imagine if you had just narrowly escaped falling from the edge of a cliff, how alive you would suddenly feel and how every moment would be magnified in its magnificence.  Would you be worried about something embarrassing you said five years ago or the fact that you have some credit card debt?  You would most likely just be filled with gratitude for this amazing gift we call life.  In 2019 I will strive to remember that life, and everything in it, is either a gift or a lesson and will be grateful for both.
  2. Failure is life’s best teacher. No one wins em’ all.  Failure is the easiest way to learn where our strengths and weaknesses lie, and we all have both.  I dropped out of school last year, I also decided to close down an Etsy shop that I have been running for the past decade.  Both of these events could be viewed as failures but I prefer to look at them as opportunities to learn more about what I want out of life.  Turns out I hate computer coding and desire to create a bigger business than the brand surrounding my previous Etsy shop ever would have allowed.  Both of these things are ok.  Did I fail at Etsy? No.  I actually opened a new shop in December that is more aligned with who I am and am super excited for all of the opportunities that will come with a blank slate.  Did I fail at school? No.  I just removed myself from a program I hated and am going to take some marketing and business course that get me excited about the future of my own business.
  3. I am a fu*king miracle and so are you.   The odds of you being born who you are with your particular dna is about 1 in 400 trillion.  There is a Buddhist  proverb that provides a beautiful metaphor for the probability of this precious incarnation.  Imagine there was one life preserver thrown somewhere in one ocean, with exactly one turtle in any given ocean, swimming underwater somewhere. The probability of your existence is the same as that turtle sticking its head out of the water — into the middle of that life preserver on its first try.  Those are crazy small odds and yet here we both are.  With all the many distractions of life it’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game and forget just how miraculous it is that I am sitting here writing this or you reading it, or petting your dog, or listening to a baby cry or breathing air.  This moment is a literal miracle.  And it is with this realisation that I will no longer listen to any more negative self talk.  I will also go forward into 2019 spending every miraculous second living an authentic life that makes me happy.  If happiness is dropping out of school and designing my own clothing line, I owe it to my miraculous ass self to at least try. Should I fail, there will be a lesson at the end of it that I will be grateful for.

And there you have it.  My top three of three for 2019.  This blog is relatively new so it doesn’t have a huge readership, but if you happen across it and know anyone who could use a positive push in the right direction for 2019 please pass it along.

Wishing you an amazing 2019.

Three ways to know when its time to quit.

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There I was, one semester into a specialty program that I had fought my way into and hating every second of it. It was a tech-based program with competitive entrance requirements and I applied only half expecting to be accepted.

On my 31st birthday I received the letter in the mail. I. Got. In.

I was overjoyed. This was it, the breakthrough I had been waiting for. It was my first step towards a better future. I called my Dad first and broke the news to him. He was proud and excited for me, but wary. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” He asked.

“I was born ready”, I thought. I can write, I have a great eye for design, this program is the missing link I need to start a web-based business of my own.

Soon everyone who knew me had heard the news. I would soon be a full-time college student, doing the thing that having kids so young had prevented me from experiencing in my twenties. Everyone seemed to be impressed and this was something I wasn’t used to, as I had been a struggling entrepreneur for the past decade.

“Wow, so you’ll be working, mom-ing and going to school? You’re amazing.” I would answer something smugly like, “Well, I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do”.  I liked being amazing.

But it wasn’t long until the cracks started to show. As it turns out, I hate computer coding. I’m also not a big fan of photoshop. I was so tired at work that I started doing sub par hair and zoning out on clients. I had to close my etsy shop because I couldn’t keep up with orders. To top it all off my kids went for a full two weeks having nothing but pizza for dinner.

And I hated never seeing them. And I hated not taking quality walks with my dog. And I hated the fact that when the program was all over and I was in a hefty chunk of debt I would be qualified to work in an industry that I hated.

I also hated it when a girl in my class asked me loudly if I was old enough to be her mom, but it did get me thinking. I’m already this old and feel like I was just a baby yesterday. How will I feel in another thirty years? Time happens in the blink of an eye. Life is short. I could continue pushing and striving to accomplish things that will impress other people or have the courage to say, “yep, this isn’t for me, I’m turning this ship around.”

When I really sat down and thought about if I should stick it out or quit my reasons for staying were all ego driven. “What will people think of me? Will they think I’m a dropout loser? Will my classmates think I am too old and stupid to handle the work?”

But when I looked at the reasons for leaving they came from a place of peace. “I will have more time for my kids. I will have more time for my dog. I will have more time to chase my real dreams, no matter how absurd they may seem to others.”

And so I finished the semester, thanked my instructors and bowed out of the program.

People may think I’m a drop out loser, but that’s ok. Truthfully people spend far more time worrying about their own lives than they do judging others on their decisions. Plus, who really cares what anyone thinks?  This is my life to live, my one life. So I’m going to be calling the shots.

Knowing I don’t ever have to write another line of code makes me feel like an elephant has been lifted from my shoulders. I have signed up for a different course with a way lighter load, and I chose it not to impress others but because its something I’m truly interested in.
I’m also going to follow my heart and study clothing design over the summer. It’s true,  when I tell people I want to be a clothing designer I am often met with looks of pity, or apprehension, but it just doesn’t matter. I know what my heart wants and if I end up a struggling clothing designer, I will be happier than I ever would be as a successful web developer.

Being a quitter is often regarded as something bad. People who quit things don’t make very inspiring heroes, but quitting something you know is not your higher purpose can actually take more bravery than sticking it out.  Whether we are talking friendships, romantic relationships, school, careers or even just a gym membership there are a few key questions I like to ask myself to determine if it’s quitting time.

 

  1. Is my happiness to unhappiness ratio consistently greater than 50%? Sometimes things suck.   Anyone who has been married for more than three years can attest to this.  No one gets to coast through life without shitty bits, and bailing at the first sign of discomfort isn’t being brave but actually being a bit of a baby.  Nothing will ever be peachy keen 100% of the time, but if a situation is bringing me unhappiness on a more regular basis than it brings happiness it’s time to step back and ask myself how much happier I could be if I removed the situation from my life.
  2. Will I be able to recoup the cost of both time and money? Some things in life are completely free and still cost way too much.  Time is actually a much more limited and valuable resource than money.   Well invested time can lead to more money and conversely well invested money can provide us with more free time.  If something is draining my time and/or money reserves and I can not see the end result being worth more than what I have had to put in, I am so out.
  3. Do the people in your life encourage you to stick it out, or gently assure you there is no shame in quitting? I do not think we should consistently look to others for approval in all of our life decisions, but it can be easier for people to see our situation from a place of love rather than ego. Sometimes it takes talking with people I trust to help me further realise all of the reasons I should walk away from something.   When loved ones stop pushing me to keep on pushing, I can be sure that I’m not just being a baby but genuinely making an intelligent choice to leave something behind that is no longer serving me.

 

When it comes to deciding what we want in life we may need to quit a few things before we find the right thing. My Dad always says failure is just learning to succeed going forward. He’s a smart guy.

It’s all in your head

pexels-photo-256302.jpegWe are part of a limitless universe, and yet though our own perceived limitations most of us never get to experience our full potential? If we are all born a blank slate why do so many of us grow up to be sick, sad and less than what we could be?

While its true that some of us come into the world with a golden spoon in our hands it’s also true that many of us are born into circumstances that may ‘seem’ to set us up for failure. I personally know privileged people who live lonely, loveless lives filled with illness and pain, and likewise have met people who were born with nothing, and have ended up building great fortunes and living a life full of love and vibrant health. (Just look up the SELRES_86837e3f-92ee-4e49-b30b-8a1bb265316aSELRES_d6475fb2-b0ff-44ff-a5d9-c37e59bb4e6dSELRES_424af9af-7e38-4006-b666-3d5f396a847eSELRES_4507549a-d088-4328-9644-94bc745a263eSELRES_d36ecaac-5de2-4dc8-9d21-0c941e2c3a93SELRES_44a323e4-ecfa-4279-b285-139719d33080SELRES_c62f8074-9e3b-40ae-824b-c8f7ab3c1031SELRES_8ed41df1-8938-4c28-b597-263d69a075b2SELRES_38c48204-2eb2-4961-8e49-ecc46dfa8a9cSELRES_7b5a03c9-92e8-409a-9fd4-993b9269ca14Charles Mulley story)SELRES_7b5a03c9-92e8-409a-9fd4-993b9269ca14SELRES_38c48204-2eb2-4961-8e49-ecc46dfa8a9cSELRES_8ed41df1-8938-4c28-b597-263d69a075b2SELRES_c62f8074-9e3b-40ae-824b-c8f7ab3c1031SELRES_44a323e4-ecfa-4279-b285-139719d3308)SELRES_d36ecaac-5de2-4dc8-9d21-0c941e2c3a93SELRES_4507549a-d088-4328-9644-94bc745a263eSELRES_424af9af-7e38-4006-b666-3d5f396a847eSELRES_d6475fb2-b0ff-44ff-a5d9-c37e59bb4e6dSELRES_86837e3f-92ee-4e49-b30b-8a1bb265316a

The reality is, the playing field is much more even than it seems. The main reason so many people are living lives that don’t measure up is not a result of our outer environment but our inner one.

I have personally observed in my own life, how choices, thoughts and words shape my reality daily.

Most of us have it ass backwards, we think to ourselves when I have money – then I will feel rich, when I have love – then I will feel worthy, when I have health – then I will feel whole. The reality is we must first feel we have the things and be grateful for them before we can attract them in abundance.

Wouldn’t it be easier to get fit if you walked into the gym every day feeling super strong?

Life is a complex dance of energies and like attracts like. Why do so many millionaires say the first million is the hardest to make? Because once they have made that first million they are no longer living in a mindset of lack, and all of their existing wealth can go out and earn/ attract more wealth.

This applies to health as well. I recently read the story of about a woman who fought and beat cancer, mostly with health and a positive mindset (AMAZING!) But one thing about her experience that stuck with me is that she somehow knew she was going to get cancer years before she was ever diagnosed. In fact, she started making funeral plans, wrote up her will and even had dreams about getting cancer long before the illness manifested. Was this woman psychic and having premonitions or did she literally create cancer in herself by believing to her core that she was going to become ill? Only the Creator truly knows that answer, but I have a strong sense it was the latter.

Every cell in our bodies is 99% empty space. We are made of 1% protons neutrons and electrons and 99% nothingness. Matter, at it’s tiniest observable level, is energy, and human consciousness is connected to it, human consciousness can influence it’s behavior and even re-structure it.

Ever heard of SELRES_13224304-ce64-4b0d-8c02-166474624f82Emoto’s water experimentSELRES_13224304-ce64-4b0d-8c02-166474624f82? In the early 1990s Dr Masuru Emoto did a series of experiments extensively studying how water, at a molecular level, is influenced by its environment. In a nutshell, the good scientist used photography to capture images of water exposed to different energy frequencies, music, thoughts, and prayers. The results were pretty much mind blowing. When the water exposed to positive, loving, thoughts and compliments froze, it formed into beautiful symmetrical ice crystals. But the water that was blasted with insults, ill will and hatred froze into ugly, chaotic, jagged formations.

We are all anywhere from 50% – 80% water. So just imagine what constant negative self talk, and thought patterns are doing to us on a molecular level?!

For a long time I struggled with the woo woo-ness of it all. ‘Yeah suuure, I’m making myself sick, I’m making myself poor, I’m making myself unhappy… with my thoughts. Riiiiight.’ Yet, if you look at it from a purely logical scientific level it becomes abundantly clear that we are in fact writing our own stories with out minds.

“A fundamental conclusion of the new physics also acknowledges that the observer creates the reality. As observers, we are personally involved with the creation of our own reality. Physicists are being forced to admit that the universe is a “mental” construction. Pioneering physicist Sir James Jeans wrote: “The stream of knowledge is heading toward a non-mechanical reality; the universe begins to look more like a great thought than like a great machine. Mind no longer appears to be an accidental intruder into the realm of matter, we ought rather hail it as the creator and governor of the realm of matter. Get over it, and accept the inarguable conclusion. The universe is immaterial-mental and spiritual.” (R.C. Henry, “The Mental Universe” )

So how do we break through years of mental programming that has convinced us we are *insert thing here*; too ugly, too sick, too old, too fat, destined to fail, destined for illness, destined for loneliness etc etc etc? It takes work. Period. But like everything else that has brought us to where we now are, it all simply begins in the mind.

If we want to change our health we need to examine our diets, detox our cells and exercise, but if we still believe we are sick we are just spinning our wheels doing all that work. If we start by believing we are healthy it becomes intuitive and easy to make the small changes our body needs to keep us in that state.

One of my favorite ways to break through mental programming is using positive affirmations. Just as the Emoto experiment demonstrates, our words hold more power than most of us even realise. Positive affirmations, can apply to any area of our lives and can have a profound impact on shifting us out of a negative mindset into a positive one.
If we are dealing with an illness this affirmation can be a simple as ‘I am a healed healthy and whole’ spoken out load daily anytime thoughts of illness creep into our minds. If we are dealing with feeling of lack we can say something like ‘I am abundantly provided for, (insert whatever I need) flows freely into my life and I am deeply grateful for it.’

It might seem silly and even a little cheesy at first but sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zones to effect real change.

Another super helpful exercise is through writing down our limiting beliefs (skip a few lines), crossing them out and write our TRUTHS below them. So it would look like this.
I will always be alone.

I am attractive, I am worthy of love, I attract love into my life, I am so thankful for the quality relationships I have, I am a magnet for men/women, my life is filled with love, I am never truly alone, etc.

It’s important we speak in the present tense with all affirmations, if we speak in future tense (I will have love some day) we are always chasing that future day and not inviting it in right now.

Hypnosis is another effective tool for mind reprogramming. Ironically, I am a trained hypnotist and still spent years not fully grasping how important my thoughts truly were in shaping my reality. There is a reason hypnosis can be a useful tool in quitting addictions, losing weight, and changing many other areas of our lives. A good hypnotist communicates directly with our subconscious, which then communicates directly with our cells. This communication reprograms our entire being on an atomic level. Mindset also explains why hypnosis doesn’t work on some people who believe they can’t be hypnotised. (‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t you are right’ ~Henry Ford.)

No matter where anyone is in their healing journey, it is inevitable that negative thoughts will squeeze in from time to time, as long as we have some positive affirmations at the ready to squash them with we will be well on our way to re writing our reality.

A great man (Jesus) once said, ‘ If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’ Matthew 21:21

By reprogramming our minds, crushing negative self talk and limiting beliefs, we can all move mountains in our own lives. Through faith, mindset and positive thinking anything is possible. We are all healthy, wealthy, lovable, beautiful, limitless souls having an experience in these human forms, by understanding the true power of our thoughts we have every ability to make the very most out of our time here, no matter how our journey began.